Thirty-one Years: Wes

Wes and I met when we were 23 and by the time I realized I wanted to marry him a few years later I thought that 23 was so late in life to meet your husband. I thought about all the years we didn’t know each other and wished that we’d met earlier. Seven and a half years, two moves, one wedding, a dog, and a baby later I realize that 23 is so early to meet your partner. I spent more of my twenties with Wes than I did without. Looking back at pictures of us from early in our relationship I’m amazed at how young we were.

babies

That picture is from our trip to Yosemite for my 24th birthday. Wes needs a haircut and I still haven’t lost the baby fat in my cheeks (I’m sure it had nothing to do with our relatively new relationship and spending entire weekends cuddling on the couch without takeout and wine). I’m happy to say that I have not seen that sleeveless shirt since our Half Dome hike.

a baby of our own

This is what we look like now.  A little older, a little wiser, and holding a baby instead of looking like one.

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I’ve been joking a lot about how Wes gets complimented all the time on what a great father he is simply because he changes diapers in public, or carries Stella while hiking. Sometimes I get a little heated because he is an amazing father and husband but changing a diaper is really the least of it. After Stella was born and I was kind of a mess he went into super Dad/spouse mode. He made dinner, played with Tsunami, changed all the diapers (I think it wasn’t until day four or five that I actually changed one myself), kept me hydrated,  forced me to sleep, and gave me endless encouragement. I think a lot of couples are a little opposite to help keep each other in check. I bring out a little crazy side in Wes and he keeps me from going too crazy.

We used to do big grand things for birthdays (Six Flags, Yosemite, surprise parties and visitors, sky diving), but the last few years here have been more low-key. This year we joined our friends to hike the Lani Kai Pill Boxes (Wes carrying Stella, of course) and then a few hours on the beach. It wasn’t anything spectacular, but it was a great day nonetheless. Not everything has to be a Grand Gesture.

There was a youth group hiking that day and one guy had a guitar so I asked him to play Happy Birthday and sing to Wes. The happily helped us out.

Happy Birthday, Wes. Thank you for keeping me sane. I know it can be difficult at times. I love you. Stella loves you. Tsunami loves you.

Seven Months: Stella

Stella turned seven months old yesterday and even though she hasn’t hit any major milestones – still toothless, still not walking or crawling – she is growing at a rate I’m not entirely sure I’m comfortable with. She’s figured out how to roll around the living room to get what she wants. Like Tsunami’s toys, or just a little taste of the sliding glass door.

We ate a lot of food this month. Well, Stella ate a lot of food. We’re trying out everything. She started out pretty disinterested in any solids put before her and even the few things she did like (papaya, prunes, bananas) had to be forced into her mouth a few times before she would remember that she like eating them. She’s gotten a little bit better about eating without having to shover her fingers in her mouth or help with the spoon. She still ends up with food in her hair and various on parts of her body, but we’ve only had to take her straight to the bathtub one night.

She’s starting to giggle more when we make funny sounds. She’s so chatty lately and sometimes makes a high pitched scream that threatens to turn into crying but if I can match the scream she just looks at me and smiles. She loves when Wes raspberries her stomach and that’s when we hear her laugh clearly. I must be doing raspberries wrong because I can only ever get a squeal from her.

We started putting her in her little bathtub unsupported and though it’s a little harder to wash and rinse her I love seeing her gain more and more control of her body. We’ve been helping her stand up for a few months and now when she wants something she’ll turn to me and reach for my hands because she knows that once she stands up she can take a few steps in the direction of a toy, or just turn ninety degrees and plop her butt down in a new spot. I love that she knows enough to do that but I can’t wait for her to get crawling.

She is incredibly friendly with everyone and always has a smile. Sometimes she’ll look at me before smiling to make sure the person is okay but once I give the go ahead she is happy to show off her smile. We get stopped often by people telling us how adorable she is and even though I know that happens to a lot of babies and is more indicative of what type of personality the complimentor has, I choose to believe it’s because she’s the most adorable (adoptable) baby ever.

She still has her dad’s blue eyes and even though we both know they can change at any time in the next few years, we’re both hoping they stay this color. Even if it means she gets complimented most on the one thing that isn’t all me!

She mostly sleeps through the night, with the exception of this last week when she’s taken to waking up at 430am for her first breakfast. But she’s still very happy even at that hour. She just talks to herself and stares up to her mobile until I come into feed her and then it’s back to sleep for another hour or so.

 

At nap times she’s started putting herself to sleep after a few minutes of talking to herself and this makes me so happy that she’s figured this out. It means less crying in her crib and will make life easier when she really starts eating and her teeth come in and we have to brush them before going to sleep.

 

I think I can feel a tooth coming in and see the bump, but Wes thinks I’m making things up. She’s started grabbing for everything on our plates and I can’t wait to feed her some real solid food. Even if it means that we’ll start tapering off on nursing, which I thought I would hate but turn out to love (and not just because it’s helped get me back to pre-pregnancy weight).

 

Her hair is starting to lighten up a little, as though we’ve been putting Sun In before we head outside. It’s getting longer but not thicker so sometimes we give her a mohawk in the bathtub.

Sometimes while we’re sitting on the couch and Stella is sleeping on my chest I’ll turn to Wes and just say, “This baby. How did we get so lucky?” Sure there was that time between weeks four and eight where she screamed for four hours, but at  8pm she’d sleep for 12 hours straight so we were willing to put up with it. But now there’s not much that we have to endure. She’s a happy baby who doesn’t mind being held by strangers. She still only cries when she’s tired or hungry. She smiles when Wes or I or even Tsunami walks in the room and she’s starting to understand what a kiss is, which, unfortunately, involves a lot of slobber on her end. 

As much as I want to bottle her up and keep her at this age for ever, watching her grow has been amazing and it’s gotten me so excited to see how she’ll keep growing and who she’ll become.

SAHM

This is how we start the day

The downside to not working, if there is one at all, is coming up with reasons to get dressed. Other than  I probably should get dressed, which is usually my only reason. Last week I put running on the back burner to try out 30 Day Shred because, while I’m well below pre-pregnancy weight, there are still some areas that could use some toning. The first time I’d tried the DVD was about five weeks after Stella was born and it kicked my ass so much that I stopped doing it because holding Stella and being able to walk up the stairs were way more important than toning my arms and legs. I assumed there would still be that level of ass-kickiness but 6 months of carrying a baby around has actually been pretty good for my arms and legs. The whole thing, starting with Jilian’s spiel about why she’s doing this, is less than 30 minutes long so I can complete it and shower while Stella naps. The downside is that I can do it from the comfort of my living room so why leave the house at all if we don’t need to? Here’s why: because after a week – okay, fine, three days – of just sitting at home with a baby and leaving the house only to check the mail makes me a little crazy. Wes says he can see the crazy anger in my eyes when he gets home. Frustration and boredom is more like it, but still, not the welcome he’d like to receive upon returning home to his family.

Crazy eyes are genetic

In the past, we’d head to Ko Olina to go running after I finished breakfast and be home in time for Stella’s second breakfast and nap. I’d be able to shower and get maybe do some chores or just sit in silence and read a book. But because I’ve been working out at home we spend a lot of day on the living room floor. There’s squealing and grabbing of toys and trying to keep Tsunami’s tongue out of Stella’s mouth and Stella’s mouth off of Tsunami’s fur and collar. We watch a little day time television (which is the absolute worst) and read some stories. And take many many phone pictures to try and entertain Stella. Okay, fine, to entertain me. She’s got plenty of toys at her disposal and a mom who mimics her sounds and raspberries her all over. She’s plenty entertained.

So close

We eat little lunch, which is quite the production since Stella started solid foods. She’s the messiest eater ever. She hasn’t quite figured out that you can ingest food without sucking it in so she’s constantly pulling the spoon into her mouth and sucking the food off of it, or, if I can sneak the spoon in without her help, she immediately pulls her two middle fingers in and starts sucking. Food gets everywhere and though I try to keep things as clean as possible, it’s a constant struggle. The bib below is really the only one that helps (thanks Cooper!) but we only have two of them and they clearly need to be washed after each meal so most of the time she just goes without clothing.

Papaya

Do you see what I mean? Two ounces of prunes and at least a quarter of that ends up on her.

Prunes

After lunch sometimes she’ll take a nap in her crib and sometimes she’ll be ready to play for a little bit longer. So there’s more time on the floor, surrounded by toys and frantically looking at the clock to see how long until Wes gets home. 

Piano (wo)man

By four o’clock we both feel like this:

Where’s Dad?!

Listen, I love staying at home with Stella. I love that we have the option of me not working. I love playing with her and taking pictures of her and echoing back all her various sounds (and there are a lot of them these days). I love that I get to see her grow and change and accomplish new things. But a week straight in the house with a crazy dog and a six and a half month old? I think that’s trying for anyone. And after the first day of not doing something it’s so easy to just fall into a rut of staying in and getting cabin fever and not being your best self. And I want to be my best self, not only for me but for my daughter as well. So tomorrow it’s back to Ko ‘Olina for running in the morning. And grocery shopping and, probably, a trip or two to Target. I might end up spending a few more dollars in the week but I think that everyone in this household would agree that it’s better than the Shining-like behavior I exhibit when I don’t leave the house.

Sunday Means Football

Wes joined a flag football team with a few guys from his work and on Sundays we all pile in the car to cheer him on. I went when I was still pregnant with Stella and a few people hadn’t seen me since then so it’s always great to see the look on their faces when they realize that we now have a nearly seven-month old baby.

The first few games were cancelled due to rain and then one was cancelled because the opposing team forfeited the season so we haven’t had too many opportunities to cheer Wes on. But we do have some pretty sweet gear to help motivate the team. Well, Stella does, anyway. I think I might look a little silly in these leggings.  I ordered these from one of those websites that has all the deals for baby clothes. These were sold as boys baby legs but I bought them anyway because fuck that. Girls can like football and can totally rock them. I also snagged a pair that were bookworm leggings with science and math books. Also for boys, which just makes me angry.

There was a double header last weekend so Wes got some snuggles with Stella after the first game. He tweaked his hamstring during the first game and sat out the second game to make sure that there wasn’t a repeat of last session when he pulled it on the very first play of the very first game and then came back too early and ended up missing most of the games. Getting old is the pits. So while I was on the phone telling a pregnant friend what she should register for Wes and Stella cheered the team on. She fell asleep for most of the game and when one of his coworkers who was there to watch the game said she would take Stella if his arm was getting tired he told her he was fine and that this sort of snuggling is usually reserved for me so he’d enjoy it while he could.

Said coworker took most of these photos with her fisheye lens on her phone and I’m in love with them all. Stella’s really into whatever you’re holding, which is usually some piece of technology (phone, ipad, remote control) and she’s always trying to get her hands on them. Perfect for taking photos of her because she immediately turns to it.

Yeah, you read that right. I was born awesome. 

You got a problem with that?

When we were driving home on Sunday Wes put his hand on my knee and thanked me for coming out to the games, like it’s something that I have to force myself to do every week. I admit that sometimes it’s not the most entertaining or it’s hot or cold or raining or any number of things. But I also know that he’s woken up at 3:30 in the morning to come support me in my races when I’m sure he’d rather be in bed. That’s just what you do. I support him, he supports me. I want Stella to see that her family is supportive. When I was pregnant I remember telling Wes that if we joined the gym with the daycare I might use it to drop Stella off and enjoy an hour at the pool by myself just to have a break and he looked at me and said, “No you won’t.” At first I was really mad that he’d deny me that because he didn’t want our daughter in daycare. But what he meant is that I wouldn’t be doing this alone and would hopefully not feel the need to have to get away from our child. And he was right. He’s incredibly helpful with everything, from dinner to laundry to diapers and the dog. We like to do things together as a family. Especially if it means wearing adorable football leg warmers and showing off our adorable baby.

A Day at the Beach

We’ve been talking about taking Stella to the beach for a while now but various roadblocks kept us from actually getting there. First the sunscreen issue (which we finally fixed), then my eye (which is better-ish), and then the weather. Last weekend we were almost thwarted again when Wes remembered that he’d agreed to go hiking on Saturday and Sunday was filled up with flag football and Easter dinner with friends. But Wes said that he’d rather break plans with his friend than with Stella, which is what makes him a great father. So Saturday morning we hoped for clear skies and a parking spot at Ko Olina and met up with some friends.

 

Love that you can see tan lines on me from shorts and tank tops. We live minutes from the beach but hardly ever make it there, though I think that will change once Stella gets a little bit bigger and her skin less porcelain white.

 

We stayed close to shore for the first few minutes and though Stella wasn’t exactly excited about standing in cold ocean water, she wasn’t crying or freaking out. We splashed around in the shallow end for a few minutes and played with a few beach toys our friends had brought. Parents of the year that we are, we forgot to bring any sort of toy for Stella to play with.

 

We got a little bit deeper and she seemed okay with it. She loves bath time, which we were hoping would translate to ocean water, but she didn’t seem to realize that she could splash this water like she does in the bath.

 

But she was happy enough just kicking her legs in the water so Wes decided to take her a little farther out, which did not impress her at all. And forget about floating, she wanted no part of that. So back to the shore for some snuggles with me. And then back to the blanket because even though the weather was nice, the water was a little bit chilly. We’re hoping to start swim lessons in June because no way can we have a Hawaii baby who doesn’t know how to enjoy the water. Now that we’ve been hopefully we’ll be more prepared next time. And instead of the rash guard and adorable swim bottoms, I’m ransacking our drawer of baby swim suits. Maybe all she needs is a cute suit to make her feel more comfortable in the water!

The Grandparents Visit: Part I

I will say this about having you’re kids at a ridiculously young age like my parents did: by the time your last kid is out of the house (me just before my 17th birthday), you’re still in your early 40s and all that disposable income that went to keeping your kid alive can now be spent on anything you desire. And right now they desire to visit their granddaughter. Not that I blame them; she’s pretty amazing.

So, yes, my parents were here for a week and we made up for the last time they visited when Stella was a mere two weeks old and I was in no condition (emotionally and physically) to do anything. They arrived Thursday afternoon and we promptly had the spiciest Thai food ever even though we ordered it medium, which usually means mild. I’ll remember that for next time. There was a moment when I worried how the trip would go because Stella was a little fussy when my mom got in the back seat with her. There were many tears while my mom tried everything to cheer her up. Turns out she only needed to be left alone to calm herself down. Once she found her fingers she was ready to for some snuggle time with her grandparents.

Wes took Friday and Monday off so the following morning we packed up early and headed to Koko Head because nothing is more relaxing than climbing up 1,000+ railroad ties. Wes carried Stella in the backpack and nearly everybody we passed commented on what an awesome dad he was and while I agree that he is a great father, it has nothing to do with him carrying her in a backpack while we hike. The bar is set very low for fathers, apparently.

My mom bought Stella this outfit for Christmas. It’s her exercise outfit. It comes with a pink skirt, too, but that just didn’t make sense in the backpack. She was ready to hike.

Even after seeing what was between us and the top Stella was still ready to go. Wes said that every time he stopped to wait for us (yes, the man carrying the extra 20 pounds finished before the rest of us) she would kick her feet as if to tell him to get going!

Yawning while carrying her. I’m pretty sure that means he didn’t exert that much energy and therefore does not need to be made to feel like a god for carrying his own daughter around. Not that I want to carry her up those railroad ties.

The views from the top are pretty great and it was clear enough that we could see out to Maui. But those photos aren’t in my possession so you’ll have to take my word for it.

The next day we went out to Menehune Mac to take a chocolate making class, which we took to mean we’d be mixing chocolates and molding them and basically acting like Lucy and Ethel in that one skit (you know the one I’m talking about) but what it really meant was that we’d wander around the store for 20 minutes while they waited for two more people who never showed up and then move into the chocolate mixing facility to spoon some milk chocolate and macadamia nuts into paper cups and then go back out the store front to listen to a 15 minute speech on what makes them different than all the other chocolatiers. We each took home a little box of chocolate and then bought two more boxes of their sugar-free dark chocolate which I now want all the time (no sugar means I can eat as much as I like and not feel sick and dark chocolate is good for my heart so it’s also good for me!) it is that good.  We had to wear hairnets while we were spooning our chocolate in. Even Stella, whose net kept falling over her eye.

After the chocolate class we still had plenty of time to kill so we went to Waikiki where we took Stella to see the koi fish and penguins. I’m not sure how interested in them she was, but we got some good photographs of her looking like maybe she could care. At lunch Wes changed Stella’s diaper and our waitress came over to tell me what an amazing father he was for changing her diaper. Seriously, how low is the bar on fatherhood that just changing a diaper qualifies you for father of the year? I must literally be the World’s Best Mother if he gets that much recognition for one diaper. (Again, though, he is a great father but this has nothing to do with it.)

These pictures right here are why he’s a great father: because he cares about her and teaches her and tries his hardest to make her laugh. Changing a diaper makes him a great father in the same way that showing up for work on time makes you great at your job in that it doesn’t. It’s what you’re supposed to do, no matter how shitty it is (pun absolutely intended).

After lunch we tried to buy some fish at the fish market but apparently it’s only open to buy fish at auction in the morning so we had some beer instead. My mom wasn’t drinking so she snatched Stella up (a pretty common theme on the trip, really) and I got this adorable photo between her fits of squirminess. I just about started crying when I saw how it turned out.

 

We got home that evening just in time for it to start raining. And for Wes to get a flat tire on his way to the grocery store because the potholes on our side of the island are so bad, especially when it rains. It rained all Sunday so we stayed close to home because on top of the pothoes a lot of the roads have little to no drainage so driving in the pouring ran is something we try to avoid.

(Yes I’m cutting this into parts because I actually like to spend time with my husband after Stella goes to sleep.)

 

 

Six Months: Stella

Stella turned six months old on Sunday and on Monday we took her in for her check-up. She’s 15 pounds 12 ounces, fiftieth percentile for weight and height and ninetieth percentile for head size (90th!), thanks to her dad. Bigger heads = bigger brains, right? Yeah, let’s go with that. Also, who cares because she’s adorable, large head or not.

She can sit up by herself and has taken to rolling and scooting herself to areas she would like to be. Sometimes on her play mat, sometimes near the dog toys, sometimes right next to the play mat so that she can chew on the tags. It’s true what they say about babies: don’t spend the money on toys, all they want is the random things you already have in your house. She loves to grab at my water bottle and try to get water out. Sometimes she succeeds, but most of it ends up on her clothes or mine. All part of the learning process.

We started solid foods while my parents were here. The first try was avocado and while she was super excited about the spoon, she was not particularly interested in the avocado. She kept looking at all of us like, “Why the heck do you keep putting that gross green stuff on this awesome toy?” I’m sure she’ll like green foods at some point, but for right now she’s taking after her father.

Next we tried sweet potatoes, with better results. I mixed in some breast milk so at least it had a faintly familiar taste and she chowed down. After the first few attempts at feeding her she decided she could to a better job of getting the food into her mouth and demanded the spoon. Now she doesn’t even let us get close to her mouth, she just grabs the spoon away from of us and shoves it in (or close enough to) her mouth. Very independent, this one. We’ve tried green beans, carrots, and papaya and she is sticking with the sweet foods for now.

She’s starting to laugh a little bit, mostly when we tip her upside down and raspberry her cheeks or neck. Sometimes there’s sound but mostly she just opens her mouth in excitement. When she does make a laugh sound I am always caught off-guard by how amazing it is to hear and will spend the next ten minutes trying to get her to make it again. I guess this is parent-hood: spending all your energy to make someone happy.

She loves watching sports, something she inherited from both sides of the family (though it clearly skipped a generation for me). This weekend she was so distracted by Rugby that she couldn’t finish nursing. I finally passed her off to Wes so they could watch the end of the game together. I know it’s still a few months before football season starts, but I know Wes is looking forward to teaching his daughter about the sport and watching games with her. I’m equally excited that they’ll have that bond. She’s started to recognize when Wes comes home and where before she would cling to me she now smiles when he enters the room. During bed time he sings to her or pulls her close for a little dance before we turn out the lights. Wes doesn’t get a lot of face time with her during the week so bed time is especially important.

 

This month she started rolling over like no big deal. I watch her move herself to some new toy or remote control, or Tsunami’s ears, exploring everything she can. She tries to scoot herself along and sometimes gets there but sometimes also gets frustrated. I try to give her encouragement and let her know that sometimes learning something new is hard but, I mean, she’s six months old so probably all she hears is blah blah blah blah so eventually I turn her over or move the object a bit closer to she can reach out and touch it. She tries to put everything in her mouth, including Tsunami’s ears and there is a constant refrain in the house of “No licking! Both of you!” Usually they both look up at me like, What? We’re not hurting anyone.

 

I can’t believe that we’ve had a baby for six months already. Half of a year and it’s gone by in the blink of an eye. During the day sometimes I let her nap on me because I know that before too long she’ll be too big for it or just not be interested. While my parents were here she gave me a hug and I nearly started crying because her hands are so little now and I am her world but it won’t be like that always. One of these days she’ll prefer her dad and at some point I’ll have to give up breastfeeding so I won’t even be the only thing keeping her alive. Her hands won’t be so tiny and they won’t always reach for me. Some day she’ll be a teenager and she will probably say hurtful things to me and it will break my fucking heart to hear them and it will take every ounce of energy to remember that teenage girls have it rough and she won’t mean it or even remember it. But for now her hands are tiny and they do reach for me and trace my face and scratch my sides while she’s eating. Her face does light up when I come into her room and she cries when I’m out of sight. So I’ll let the naps happen probably more often than they should for as long as I can.