Now the waiting game begins. As if I haven’t been waiting for months already.
The hardest part about all this waiting is that I know what everyone is thinking, How awesome that her boyfriend is supporting her while she binges on bad crime drama all day. And yes, I admit, that’s what it seems like is happening. But it isn’t true. I was lucky enough to be able to take this time off. Well, the first couple of months, now things are starting to get tight.
And so I did have to ask for some assistance from my boyfriend regarding rent. But that hasn’t stopped me from contributing in other ways (um, groceries and gas). And yet, I still feel slightly worthless. Like I’m this damsel in distress and now I have to ask for help. I hate that feeling. But I also don’t want to deplete my savings while I search for a job.
I wish that all the people who’ve said something along the lines of Wish I had a Sugar Daddy could hear the whole story and, for the most part, I do correct them with somehting like Yeah, so do I. But I’m sure there’s a lot of talk among the people at Wes’ work or within his family. Hell, I said the same things when women have told me stories of their loser boyfriends moving in with no job so I can’t really blame them. But it would be nice to get some support on that front.
Another thing about staying at home that I didn’t realize: You’re supposed to clean. All day everyday. If you don’t have anything better (read: something that pays you) to do then you’re on cleaning duty. And man, do I hate that. Because, as I said before, I’m contributing still so it seems only fair that we both clean. Yeah, I’ll do day-to-day things, but cleaning the bathroom? I’m thinking we save that for the weekend.
So, um, yeah, still completely frustrated and worried that I won’t find a job before the holdiays. So, what, three weeks until I need to find a job? I’m hoping, but beyond that I don’t have much else. Everything that seems to be a good lead always comes up short. Last night I was plagued by dreams of my latest interviewer e-mailing me to let me know that they “decided to go in another direction.” Not a great night of sleep.
Wes keeps telling me that none of the rejections have been personal; they’ve all had good reasons, I haven’t wanted to work there, etc., etc., etc. But it’s hard not take them personal. The companies don’t want me. And after a while it doesn’t matter about the practical reasons for it not working out; all that matters is that they didn’t want me. And feeling that way makes it hard to be confident in job interviews.
In the mean time, I’ll keep talking to the recuiter and hope that something comes up.