Monthly Archives: January 2009

New Jobs

The thing about new jobs is this: for the first couple of weeks you sort of just breeze by.  You don’t know exactly what you’re doing or when it should be done so you spend a lot of time just hanging out. The longer you’re there, of course, the more you learn the rules of the company and the logisitics of doing your job.  I’d say, depending on how difficult the job is, you’re pretty much set by the second month.  You know what you’re supposed to be doing and when it’s supposed to be done; you know answers to questions being directed towards you and the questions you asked in the beginning, when you didn’t know better, seem so stupid.

Well, I’m in my second month, quickly creeping up to the third, and I still feel like I’m in my second week.  A lot of my job consists of ordering supplies for the business we do here.   Which is all well and good, when I’m ordering office supplies and things that are stored right next to my desk and are purchased in such small quantities that I know when they’re going to have to be refilled.

But for the big things, I have no clue when to reorder.  Right before I started my boss put in a huge order for so many of those big ticket orders so for the past two and a half months I’ve been coasting by.  And, because I still don’t know what our orders look like on any given day (and don’t have a last-year-at-this-time comparison), I think only in terms of, Oh, it looks like I’ll need to order some of that soon. In reality, though, the people who actually use what I’m ordering are thinking, I really hope more of that arrives today. Meanwhile, I’m sitting at my desk, oblivious to the whole situation.

Part of it is the fact that I still don’t have a clear grasp of what I’m doing.  Not because I don’t know, in bullet points, what my job is but because I’ve never done it before.  All those bullet points are in abstract and none of it will make sense until I get down to it, which will be a slow process as those large towers of product slowly dwindle and I need ot reorder.  But another part of it is because the organization is such that only the person who set it up would understand what’s going on.  Everything is scattered to the four corners of the warehouse and no one knows definitively where anything is.  Part of my job, of course, is to organize that.  But that’s a catch-22 because some other group has to get organized for me to get orgainzed and they can’t move anything until I move something.  For now at least.  It should slow down in the next couple of days and I’ll have time to organize and hopefully wrap my mind around how I picture this working.

Perhaps by my fourth month I’ll feel like I know what’s going on.

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Bump on a Log

Now that I’ve failed my mission to post daily I’m think I’ll ease up a bit.  Maybe posting on the weekends is just one of those things that will never happen. That said, it’s still a week day and I have something to write.

Ever since I moved here I’ve been completely unmotivated to do anything.  It started out because of the extended leave I took from working.  For the first two months I absolutely wanted to do nothing but relax.  And then, as some of you will remember, it was just awful because I wasn’t sure when I would be working again.  I hated the idea of living in Southern California and the more that things seemed to go wrong, the easier it was to start hating it.  I got into a rut of hating my surroundings and drowning them out with the television.

This past weekend while we were in Seattle, Wes and I visited a friend who doesn’t have a t.v. in her house.  She and her roommate amuse themselves with various activities: meeting friends for a drink, rock climbing, hiking, shopping, reading.  Who knows what they do, but they don’t do it in front of a television.

Like I’ve been doing for the past 6 months.

Whenever we’re in the apartment the television is on.  Even if we’re not watching it, we still turn it on for background noise.  Why that’s better than music, I don’t know, but it’s something that we’ve gotten in the habit of doing.  We come home from work or from the gym and we watch t.v.  And each week we seem to be adding new shows to our already huge list.  If we miss a show there’s the dvr, and often we find ourselves wasting hours on the weekend catching up with shows so we’ll know what happens next week.  No blame laid: we both do this.

Tonight when I got home from work I sat down on the couch and immediately turned on the t.v.  I couldn’t find anything better to do than to watch Joey Fatone on Ellen?  Apparently not.

While I sat watching a Netflix movie that had been sitting on the bookshelf for nearly a month I thought about the rut I was in and why I hate Southern California so much.  I keep saying it’s because there’s nothing to do, but in reality it’s because I don’t do anything.  I have grandiose plans to cram as much of Southern California in as I can, hoping that I will at least enjoy my time here, but it doesn’t happen.  And the more that I don’t do anything, the more unhappy I become.  And the more unhappy I become, the less I want to do anything.  See they cycle?

My life isn’t going to change just because I will it to.  There is no magical cure for whatever it is I’m feeling.  I have to do something about.  I have to stop being a lump on a log and start getting out there and doing things.  I have to commit to waking up every day and swimming.  I have to commit to writing and running and climbing and reading and being a better girlfriend and friend and sister and daughter.  Those things aren’t just going to happen by hoping.  I have to work at them.  And up until now I’ve just been sitting on my butt waiting for the change.  I realized tonight that it’s not going to come to me.  I have to work for it.

And the number one change is to start exercising more and cut out all of the stupid television I watch.  Of the shows I like, are they so great that I have to record them so I don’t miss them?  Probably not.  Do I have better things to do with my time?  Absolutely.

I just have to do them.

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Monday Mourning

Reasons I feel in love with Seattle over the weekend:

1. The fresh market at Pike’s Place

2. The delicious restaurants we ate at, including the most delicious macaroni and cheese I have ever had at Beecher’s, which I am so craving right now

3. The friends we have there

4. It snowed!

5. The Mountain Hardware store

6. Affordable housing

7. Four independent book stores within one block of each other!

Yes, we had a lot of fun in Seattle over the weekend and it was so hard to leave yesterday afternoon.  Knowing we want to move back to the Northwest makes those trips especially hard since we don’t know when that move would take place (though I’m crossing my fingers for this fall/winter).  And even though coming home to my own bed is just about the best thing ever, it’s still hard to leave a place you enjoy so much and come “home” to place that will never be Home.

On top of that, Wes stayed behind for some work things.  And even though he’ll be coming back Wednesday night and I get to sleep sprawled out in the bed all by myself, saying goodbye in the airport is just not something I enjoy – especially after almost a year of doing it with him and nearly a decade of doing it with my family.  I’m conditioned to think that airport goodbyes mean, I have no idea when I’ll see this person again. I just have to focus on the positive of not having to share the bed or watch sports for three days.

And then, on top of even that, I’m fairly certain I left my iPod on the flight from San Jose to Santa Ana, which then turned around and went to Oakland.  Yes it’s got my name engraved on it, but I am in the mindset that whoever finds it will just take it.  It’ll be a funny story when someone asks why there’s someone else’s full name engraved.  I picture them sitting around wondering about my song selections: Britney Spears and Guns ‘N Roses, when I don’t listen to either of them.

Last night, as I talked to Wes and tried not to cry he had to keep pointing out that it could have been worse: I could have lost my phone or my wallet or my keys.  An iPod is replaceable and all my music is stored on my computer, so it’s not that big of a deal.  But it was a gift from him for my 25th birthday so it had some sentimental value.  I need to focus on the upside: a small iPod – in orange, perhaps? – that will be more convenient for running and working out.  Maybe this time I’ll engrave it with my phone number so that it would be easier to return.  I would definitely give a gift card for that.

In the mean time, I’ll just be here dreaming of delicious mac and cheese, fresh fruits that actually look fresh and an orange iPod (or a phone call telling me that mine was found and turned in by a good samaritan.  It could happen, right?).

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Failed

I totally forgot to write yesterday. Okay, that’s not true. I actually just put it off and then forgot. But look at what my day was filled with: 4 independent book stores in one block and this:

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The Emerald State

I’m in Seattle. And it’s not raining! It is chilly though, and I’m loving it.

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Things I Saw Coming in to Work at 2:00 a.m.

1. A group outside of a bar – I left my apartment before last call.  These guys hadn’t even finished their yesterday when I was starting my today.

2. An opossum out on a morning stroll.

3. Numerous cars turning before I passed, even though there was no one behind me.  People are impatient at 1:30 in the morning.

4. A line at Jack in the Box.  Seriously, it was a Thursday night.  What are all these people still doing up?  Oh, that’s right, this is a sort-of college town: Thursday night is the new Friday night.

Conclusion: it’s safer in bed that early in the morning.  But also: it’s nice to be able to come in this early and get the day over with so that I don’t have to take a vacation day for my early flight.

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Random

As I mentioned before, I have some very eclectic music on my ipod.  Some of it, I’m not sure where it came from or why I have it.  Some of it’s so good I don’t care where I got, just that it finally showed up in rotation.  Because there’s so much random music I sometimes like to shuffle the songs and see what pops up.

Here are 10 songs that came up in order on my ipod this morning:

1.  Peak Out, Girl Talk:   I honestly have no idea where this song came from.  I’m wondering if I have the entire album on my ipod.  Also, who gave this to me?  My brother has a lot of crazy music, but this just doesn’t feel like him.  There’s a lot of nonsensical singing.  Another 1:41 left in this song and I’m completely unsure of what’s going on.  Random noise and music to make up a song.  Is it rap?  Techno?  I have no idea but I totally picture Big Black from Rob & Big singing it, probably Rob in the background dancing around in a mouse outfit.

2. Long View, Green Day:  This one is definitely from my brother.  I took a good majority, if not all, of his music and I know he had this c.d. growing up. Me, I never really got into Green Day.  Even when I won their American Idiot on the radio.  In high school I received a very nice poem from a friend who was in love with me and it took me about five years to realize that he stole some lyrics from this band to start it.  I was a little let down.   “Bite my lip and close my eyes/trippin’ away to paradise” – do you think he’s talking about drugs or does he just have a great imagination that takes him to paradise?

3. The Boy in the Bubble, Paul Simon: Growing up, I think my dad had all of Paul Simon’s albums (tape form) and I think that one of the very first c.ds I saw was Graceland. Still a great song, and sometimes when I hear it in the car I turn it up and rock out.  Well, as much as you can with this song.  “These are the days of miracles and wonder”.  Yes, they really are. Uplifting song, really.  And so fitting with current events.

4. River Man, Nick Drake: I first heard Nick Drake on the Garden State soundtrack and loved him.  I have no idea where this song came from and have never heard this song, but I am loving his voice.  I’ve been accused of listening to depressing music, and this definitely fits that category.  I dont’ think it would really matter what he was singing about, it would still be sad sounding.

5. Lost?, Coldplay:  Did y’all hear that Coldplay is getting sued over Viva la Vida by Peter Joe  Satriani?  Well, they are.  And if you listen to Satriani’s song they do sound eerily similar.  Also, Chris Martin will scream to his audience about how his band steals American women (you know, because he married Gwyneth Paltrow).  And yet, I do like their music.  So sappy and love-filled.  The Scientist?  It gets me every time.

6. Sweet Wine, Cream:  Yes, Cream.  What?  I have a thing for Eric Clapton.

7. South Hampton Avenue, Blessed Union of Souls:  What?  I think this is one of the many c.ds I purchased from those Columbia House offers.  Like all the rest of my music, it ended up on my ipod without a lot of thought.  Do I listen to this?  Do I even like this?  Who cares, download it to iTunes.  Song number 7 and there’s not one that I would listen to regularly.  I think it’s time to start really thinking about cleaning out my playlists. Wait, is this about divorce?  A dead brother?  A small town that’s friendly or one that is boring.  Is this Revolutionary Road in a song?  Or how we are all alike: we all live on South Hampton Avenue and we all have our problems?  No one is better than anyone, is that what you’re trying to tell me Blessed Union of Souls?

8. Here Comes Your Man/Nimrod’s Son, Pixies, live version: I was invited to a Pixies concert a couple of years (more like five) when they were playing at the Santa Barbara Bowl but I declined because I was trying not to date the guy who invited me.  I semi-regret it because he was working the sound system so I wouldn’t have had to spend too much time with him; on the other hand, he got his girlfriend pregnant a couple of years after that so maybe it’s better I declined.  Still, love the Pixies and would enjoy seeing their show.  Digging how this goes right into the next song: two for the price of one.

9. Velvet Morning, The Verve:  I have no idea.  I honestly thought this band only made one song, though for the life of me I can’t remember what it is.

10.  Another Round, Foo Fighters:  Love love love the Foo Fighters.

So that’s it.  My ten songs on random.  I think it’s time to pick an album to listen to so I can enjoy and sing along with more than one song.

What’s on your playlist?

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Uncomfortable

My coworkers are talking about Obama.  Let me give it to you in bullet points:

  • he would never wear red, white and blue together, much less an American flag pin
  • Michelle wore a dress by Cuban born designer (who moved to the states 40 effing years ago, by the way), she may as well have just worn a burkha
  • Oprah wants to be his concubine
  • Michelle is going to ruin all the good work Laura Bush spent decorating the White House

More and more these discussions are bordering on racist and I’m getting more and more uncomfortable.

Knock, knock, HR.  Just wanted to let you know this is bordering on a hostile working environment.

I don’t care what they believe in, I just don’t want to hear about it at work.  Just like I’m sure they don’t care to hear me bad mouth their guy.

A time and a place for everything, people.

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Hopeful

Did you watch it?  I sat in front of my computer at work streaming live through CNN to watch the Inauguration and I loved every minute of it.  Of course I wish I was there, but it was great to see it all instead of straining to hear over the crowd, but this was still amazing.

His speaking reminds me of how excited I was about politics when I would watch The West Wing, which I started watching in highschool, when I cared only about Rob Lowe and nothing about politics.  And then I watched it throughout most of college, until the writer and creater changed, and I loved the vision of politics.  I loved the greatness that was shown from all parties – Republican and Democrat.

For the past eight years it has felt like a huge divide between the parties.  When George Bush speaks I don’t feel inspired or awed; I cringe at his many slip-ups.  When I hear Obama speak I get chills and I feel excited and inspired and hopeful.  The next four years may not bring about any quick solutions, but what Obama brings – for a lot of us – is hope for a better future.  The hope that we can become better as a people.  I’m looking forward to what we can do in the next four years.

Here’s to hoping.  And doing.  And becoming something better.

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Be the Change

Loving this, even though Sean Combs is annoying as hell and Ashton Kutcher goes a little over the top on his acting.  But still.

Isn’t that what’s been so great about the election of Obama: the change.   People are excpecting some serious change without really knowing what they want and how it’s going to happen.  Wes found a clip of a woman expressing joy at the fact that Obama is going to keep her from having to work.  He’s going to pay for her medical bills and rent and groceries and she won’t have to do anything.  Of course, that’s not how it works: we all have to be the change.

My pledge: to green what I can, starting with my home and work.  What’s your change?

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