I’ve been trying to put into words how I feel about New Year’s Resolutions and have been failing. So when I read this from Rebecca thought to myself, Yes. This is exactly what I feel.
It always feels anticlimactic, waking up to the first day of a new year. Like the view is supposed to change, the feel of the pillow, a new longing to get out of bed. If only we could move through our lives with the same self-forgiveness we carry these first few days of January, the same hope and hustle. We could all stay up until midnight, kiss and exclaim “Happy New Day!” and then make it one instead of waiting around for the year’s change to reset our alarms
I always make grand resolutions that I’m certain will change my life for the better. And I’m equally as certain that I’ll follow through with every single one, as though January 1st will change who I am and how I behave. Last year’s resolutions started a fight between me and Wes when, after a few glasses of wine, he didn’t understand exactly what I meant and suddenly the whole thing seemed like a waste of time. Resolutions that include Be Happy aren’t supposed to start fights.
This year I have an idea of specific things I’d like to check off, but I’m not going to put them in writing because that always seems like a road to failure when you forget and then look back. Instead I decided to make a word for 2012. I’ve seen a few people do this and at first thought it’s seemed a little far out there. A word to describe the year? In the past, just thinking about all the words to choose from would give me a headache. But this year when I thought about it a word immediately came to mind and I knew that it would be my word for 2012: Intent.
I have a habit of doing things too quickly. I answer questions without thinking and say things without thinking and am forever hurrying through pretty much everything I do. A lot of times this leads to regret, both large and small, about how I’ve behaved or what choices I’ve made. I change my mind so often that Wes now waits for me to change my answer before proceeding. Obviously I could benefit from slowing down and thinking about something before I make a decision.
So in 2012 I want to live with intent. I want to think about what I’m doing and why I’m doing it instead of just forging ahead and hoping for the best. I think I started it right on New Year’s Eve when I didn’t end up puking in the New Year. Great things are going to happen this year, I can feel it. And I want to be part of every decision that makes this year great instead of coasting by.
