Ah, back from vacation and ready to tackle the world. Or something like that. I’m not sure what I’m ready for, quite frankly. No, that’s not true. I’m ready for a job to just fall in to my lap. And not just any job, the right job for me. In spite of the fact that I have no clue what that job may be. I’m still floundering here, thinking that every potential job is A Great Opportunity and would be A Great Career Path. But the truth is, I’m just saying that because I’m scared that maybe nothing better will come along.
I haven’t even taken the time to sit down and think about what I want to do. What would be a good fit for me. Ideally, just sitting at home and writing all day. But guess what? I can barely do that! I have grand ideas to wake up and write every morning, but then there’s a marathon of some grisly crime drama and before you know it the day is gone.
So today, instead of following that path I showered early (early for someone without a job) and set to writing and to thinking about what I want to do this time around. At my last job I was miserably happy, if that makes sense. I started out loving my job and what I was doing and then I just lost it. A combination of a growing company and lessening duties, paired with a boss who was communcationally challenged. But I loved the people I worked with and the perks that came along with said company so I toughed it out. And swore that the next time around I’d do what I wanted to do and what I was good at. Except, I’m not sure what that is.
And I take it out on the fact that I’m in Southern California because I don’t want to be here and it’s easy to place the blame on failing economy than to tell myself the truth: That I’m being lazy. That I’m afraid that if I say what I want to do and it doesn’t happen then I will look like a failure. I’m not prepared for that. I’m not sure if putting all of this into words will help force me into making a decision, but it’s a start.
I’ve got to decide to make the best of this situation. I’m not just not sure when I’ll be ready for that.