Almost Ready

Ah, back from vacation and ready to tackle the world.  Or something like that.  I’m not sure what I’m ready for, quite frankly.  No, that’s not true.  I’m ready for a job to just fall in to my lap.  And not just any job, the right job for me.  In spite of the fact that I have no clue what that job may be.  I’m still floundering here, thinking that every potential job is A Great Opportunity and would be A Great Career Path.  But the truth is, I’m just saying that because I’m scared that maybe nothing better will come along.  

I haven’t even taken the time to sit down and think about what I want to do. What would be a good fit for me.  Ideally, just sitting at home and writing all day.  But guess what?  I can barely do that!  I have grand ideas to wake up and write every morning, but then there’s a marathon of some grisly crime drama and before you know it the day is gone.  

So today, instead of following that path I showered early (early for someone without a job) and set to writing and to thinking about what I want to do this time around.  At my last job I was miserably happy, if that makes sense.  I started out loving my job and what I was doing and then I just lost it.  A combination of a growing company and lessening duties, paired with a boss who was communcationally challenged.  But I loved the people I worked with and the perks that came along with said company so I toughed it out.  And swore that the next time around I’d do what I wanted to do and what I was good at. Except, I’m not sure what that is.

And I take it out on the fact that I’m in Southern California because I don’t want to be here and it’s easy to place the blame on failing economy than to tell myself the truth: That I’m being lazy.  That I’m afraid that if I say what I want to do and it doesn’t happen then I will look like a failure.  I’m not prepared for that.  I’m not sure if putting all of this into words will help force me into making a decision, but it’s a start.  

I’ve got to decide to make the best of this situation.  I’m not just not sure when I’ll be ready for that.

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Filed under Job hunting sucks, Me

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