Here I am, once again on the eve of an interview. Nervous, as usual. Because the thing is, I haven’t had a lot of success with interviews lately. Oh, sure, there’s any number of reasons that they didn’t work out but the fact remains that they did not work out. And that leaves my confidence in all future interviews very low.
And confidence, unfortunately, is what one really does need an interview. One needs to be able to wow prospective employers and make them believe that you are the best person for the job. That in the history of the Universe there has never been a more perfect fit. And right now I do not have that confidence. I talk myself up and listen to all the good things certain family members, friends and boyfriends have to say about me but I it doesn’t fully sink in that, possibly, I am the right person for whatever job I’m applying to.
I keep hearing Be yourself and it sort of makes me want to scream because that other jobs I’ve interviewed for didn’t so much think that me as myself was worth hiring (again, for various reasons that aren’t all Because I Wasn’t Right for the Job, although I’m sure a few were) so it’s hard to go into an interview and try to wow them with my charming personality.
I think it comes off more as desperate, which I truly am right now. I need a job. Sure the first couple of months doing nothing were fun and relaxing but it’s going on four months and I’m starting to go a little crazy. What good is all this free time without the money to do anything?
I’m interviewing for the job that I really want (the one that I really was made for) on Wednesday and I’m very nervous that I’ll screw it up somehow. Interviews, they are not my strong suit – even after so many. Interviews now hold the same status as multiple-choice tests for me: agonizing. I keep wondering, even as the words are leaving my mouth and regardless of how many times I practiced with Wes, if what I’m saying is what the interviewer wants to be hearing. Is the right answer? I wonder. It sounds right to me, but I’m never certain. The bright side about Wednesday’s interview is that I made it through the phone interview so I at least have something going for me. Though what it is I’m not sure of.
I’m hoping that I’ll wake up tomorrow full of confidence and wow these people. And then that attitude will carry over to Wednesday’s interview and by Monday I’ll be starting my new job. But more likely what will happen is this: I’ll wake up nervous and scared and full of doubt. I’ll stammer through my answers and the interviewer won’t think I’m high enough energy when the truth is that I am high energy. I’ve got loads of energy. I just need to figure out a way to keep the doubt from drowning that out.