When I started this blog I never meant for it to be a secret thing. I mean, I didn’t tell anyone about it for the first few weeks, and when I finally did come clean it was only to a handful of people. I guess what I mean is: I never thought that it would stay a secret.
And it hasn’t. I put the link up in gmail and people I chat with visited. My mom found it. And, if you know my mom at all, you know this means that she sent it to everybody she knows – her friends, my friends, family members I forgot existed.
It’s a weird feeling knowing that people you used to know read about your life with interest (or scorn, who knows). It’s like facebook*: I’m not sure I need all the information about long-lost not friends, but I love it. It’s the vouyer in me, I suppose. It’s even more weird than strangers or current friends reading. Who cares what strangers think of me? And friends and family I actually keep in contact with? Well, I don’t go around posting bitchy things about them on here so I’m not too worried.
Too being the operative word. There’s always that first day when a new person you know reads what you’ve been writing for the past 9 months. What if something I posted offended her even though I thought it was light and funny? Is he offended by me using his first name? Things like that. I half expect phone calls of friends or family members yelling at me for posting what they find private information.
So far, though – knock on wood – that hasn’t happened. But it’s still in the back of mind, keeping me clean in what I write. I put it out here so I’m prepared to take whatever comes with it. Even if it s creepy to see someone searched my first and last name and found this blog. Who can it be?
*Seriously, does anyone else feel this way about facebook? That you really shouldn’t know so much about the lives of your high school classmates but you keep looking anyway? It’s my weakness. I can’t help it. I spend hours upon hours looking at the lives of people I was never friends with, or haven’t been friends with in 8 years. I can’t decide if it’s the most awesome thing ever (cutting down all those social barries that kept you from being friends before and building some sort of virtual friendship) or the most awful (setting yourself right back in high school, complete with all the cliques and fights and tears). It’s a fine line.