When I received notification of August’s theme for NaBloPoMo I had visions of completing it successfully. It’s my birthday month and the theme – Tomorrow – fits perfectly. And then all of the sudden it was August third and I hadn’t even posted.
I failed before I could even start.
And of course there’s a reason – not a good one, but a reason: I completely forgot that a) it was August; and b) that I had decided to do this.
I suppose I’ll have to hold off until the big one – November NaBloPoMo. I think that I should be able to handle that, though who really knows.
But Tomorrow. Yes, it would be the perfect thing to contemplate this month of all months. Tomorrow is what I’ve been waiting for ever since I moved her. Specifically, the tomorrow that brings our departure from Southern California.
(Man, I am starting to feel bad about bitching about this place so much becasue I know that some people love it. And that’s totally cool, but this place just isn’t for me and I’d like to leave it as soon as possible so that there’s more room for all the people who do love it.)
I like to believe that as we creep closer to the 2010 year that the Tomorrow of all Tomorrows is getting closer as well, but in truth I have no idea. It could come next week (oh, please let it come next week) or it could be another year (fuck, I hope I didn’t just jinx myself by writing that).
Also coming up in a couple of tomorrows (five of them, if you’re counting, which I totally am) is my birthday. The big two-seven. And yes, I realize that’s not BIG big, but it’s still fairly big. Well, it’s big to me, anyway. For some reason this birthday hasn’t been about My Birthday (like it usually is) but about all the ways my life hasn’t been as successful as I had wanted or hoped it would be. It’s been about all the ways in which I feel like a failure. Also: it’s that much closer to 30 which is that much closer to 60 which is just a hop skip and a jump away from dead.
(Yes, I admit, I’m somewhat overdramatic on some things.)
Plus, what am I actually doing on the day of my birth? Well, for most of it I’ll be chilling alone at home. By myself (is it bad that writing that makes me want to cry a little bit?) because the thought of coming to work and, you know, working for ten hours with people who could care less that it’s your birthday and you love to be the center of attention, well, it just sounds awful. And while I’m slowly making new friends (Ok, one new friend and I had to steal her from another friend who lives all the way up in Washington) she will be working. The evening is a surprise though and I’m looking forward to seeing how my boyfriend and I celebrate together.
Aren’t you glad I failed so early at NaBloPoMo and you don’t have to read these rants all month?