In ten days of trying to eat right and exercise regularly Jessica is down five pounds.  I am . . . the same.  I think part of that can be attributed to the five or six margaritas I had last Saturday night.  Or the 4 beers I had Friday night (but on the plus side, those four beers were consumed over a period of 7 hours.  So at least I wasn’t drunk enough to do anything stupid.  1 point for being able to drink responsibly; lose 2 points for not being able to eat responsibly when out of my zip code!).  Or all the food that surrounded me.  For every good decision I made this past weekend, it seemed there were three bad ones.  Oysters for dinner instead of the cream/mayonnaise-based dips and pastas?  Negated by the fact that I dipped said oysters in a vat of butter and then washed them down with beer.  The apple and yogurt I had for breakfast the next morning (instead of leftover cake)?  Negated by the numerous margaritas and bacon-wrapped beef that was dinner.

By the time I got home on Sunday I was tired and hungry and just wanted to sleep.  But I’d only worked out three days (laughable that I thought I would fit a run in while on such a whirlwind trip) so I had to hit the gym.  It was a weak workout.  And it should hardly count as workout, but it does.  And my body is screaming at me for making such awful decisions at the same time that my stomach is saying, “Mmmm.  Yes, more of that chocolate/bread/pizza/pasta right there.”

It’s a struggle is what I’m trying to say.

A struggle to make the gym a priority.  To make eating healthy a priority.  To make anything a priority, really.  They’re all struggles.  And mostly I’m the type of person who doesn’t like struggles.  I like things to come with just a bit of ease.  So this is not so much a struggle as it is A Struggle.

I’m back to the gym today after a couple of days to rest, ruin a bumper, find a repair shop and feel all around awful about things.  Perhaps exercise will help.  I did read that confidence is  elevated after a workout.  Mostly I just feel like What the hell?  I just worked out?  Why do I still look like this? I want my results to be instantaneous (like I said, I like a bit of ease), and they’re not.  So I just need to keep struggling along like the Little Engine that Could.

I think I can.  I think I can.  I think I can.

1 Comment

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One response to “Struggling

  1. Mama

    I know I can! I know I can! I know I can!

    You can do it!! If I can do it, anyone can!!

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