day 17

Exercise has still been sporadic.  I find myself saying, “I’ll take today off and just work out tomorrow instead.”  But when tomorrow comes I find it that much harder to get off the couch or out of bed and pull on that stupid sports bra to actually exercise.  I’m still getting in 4 days a week, but it’s a tug-of-war in my mind on whether or not today can be one of my days off.  I have to mentally go through the rest of the days of the week to see what’s what.

It’s sort of like my sick days (which are wrapped up in my PTO) – is today really worth skipping out on?  What if something better happens later in the week and I can’t do it because I have to go to the gym?

But I’m making progress.  After my weekend in Portland I was probably back to my beginning weight.  Yesterday I was down 1 1/2 pounds.  Nothing great, but a start.  Not only that, but I like the way I look a lot better than when this started.  It’s nowhere near where I want to be, but it’s a start.

The most important part of this discovery is that I don’t want to eat everything on my plate just because it’s delicious.  I’m eating slower and realizing that I’m full a lot sooner than I would be if I just shoved it in my mouth and hoped for the best.  The best part about this is that it’s flowing over to alcohol as well.  Usually I’m the person to suggest that second (or third or fourth) glass (or bottle), but lately I’m finding that I don’t want it.  And yes, this is a huge discovery.  Because even though I’ve always known that I don’t need food and drink in excess, I’ve always wanted it.  And I usually give into those wants by justifying it with a run the next day, which never fully makes up for it, of course, but I say it anyway.

I’ve been counting my calories lately.  Not in a very strict way at all because the point is not to starve myself at all.  The point is to get control over my body and my health.  So I’m tracking them in a very inaccurate manner to use as a guideline of what foods I’m eating.  To see where my strengths and weaknesses are.  It’s nice being able to look at a log of food and realizing that, Oh, hey, that’s where my belly fat is coming from. It’s nice to be able to see a bad habit as it’s happening, or at least pretty soon afterward.

**************

I just talked to Jessica this morning and we’re both frustrated by the lack of pounds we’re losing.  So far I’m only down 1 1/2 (as of Sunday).  She’s down five but has reached a plateau in just three weeks.  What we both agreed on though, is that we feel better.  Our clothes fit better and our energy is higher and we’re making better choices about food.  And that’s what I’m focusing on.  I know that neither of us (though Jess would like to convince herself otherwise) has enough weight to lose to make for dramatic Biggest Loser-style losses.  We just aren’t going to lose 7 pounds in one week.  But I know that if we keep this going then we’ll get to the point where we don’t cringe when looking at our thighs or stomachs.  And that’s what keeps me going on this.

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