I got chastised by Wes’ mom a couple of weeks ago about some of the jokes I made about marriage. Apparently I joke a little too much about it ending – in the form of “Who spends that much on a wedding dress? I mean, worst case scenario is that your marriage ends and it’s not like you can wear it again.” I think there were some others about getting the [insert material goods here] if we broke up.
But, of course, I don’t see this future-marriage ending in divorce. I like to believe that when someone accepts the ring and walks down the aisle that they actually believe they’ll spend the rest of their lives together. I know that things and people change and that there’s not guarantee for anything, but for this I choose to believe that couples everywhere walk into a marriage thinking that they’ll last forever. And then spend the rest of their lives working and hoping that it will.
(Of course, yeah, sometimes that doesn’t happen. And it sucks. But sometimes divorce really is the best thing and I completely respect the people who are able to see that.)
Jen just made her way back to the blogosphere, and though I only started reading her about a month before she left, I’m terribly excited to have her back. For one thing, her writing is awesome. And it always flows like she has something that she has to get out. Whereas I’m always censoring what I write she just seems to sit down and bust out a fantastic post that doesn’t look like she had no idea what she was talking about. Yes, I’m a little jealous.
But that’s not what this is really about. In reading her posts about divorce I was inspired by a couple of things. Mainly: I need my own life. Not because I’m collecting a life to fall back on if this whole Wes marriage thing doesn’t work out. But because I know a lot of our life is going to revolve around his job and such, seeing as how we’ll probably be moving a lot. And I need to not be resentful of that (as I have been known to be in the past) because I entered into this freely. So I need find things that make me happy while he’s out building America. Hobbies and volunteer projects and a job that doesn’t make me want to cry with the complete uselessness of it all.
Only problem is that I have no idea what sort of job won’t make me feel like I’m wasting my life. So that’s the goal in the next couple of months as we transition to a new location – where ever that may be (but seriously, if we could find out soon that would be awesome) – to find a job that I don’t hate; a job that challenges me and makes me feel smarter and allows me to learn. It may take some time to find it and I’m okay with that. In the mean time I’ll find volunteer programs near our new city of residence. I’ll get to know the city and the people.
I’ll do everything that I should have done here but didn’t do and now have no time for.