I’m feeling overwhelmed on a couple of fronts right now. Wes left early yesterday morning for Omaha and he’ll be gone until Saturday, which means I’m single-dogparenting this week. And as crazy as that’s going to be, it’s probably the best part about this week. Having a dog (even if she’s just 10 months old and whose plan of attack would be to lick and snuggle rather than bark and bite) sleeping in the same room makes me feel a little more comfortable. I blame any noise I hear in the middle of the night on her moving around.
What’s overwhelming me is a freelance project I signed up for. I feel completely lost and am struggling to keep up my I can do anything! attitude. I’m thinking up scenarios that get me out of the project because I’m scared of not being able to succeed. I have been calling friends all day for little pep talks, to hear that I’m smart and capable of doing this thing. And mostly it’s helping, but I’m still feeling overwhelmed and lost.
Thing number two: this insurance class that I’m taking. It’s an intro to property and casualty insurance – a 16-week course and tomorrow is week 7. After the class there’s a test and I’m not looking forward to it. I’m used to essay tests where I can argue any point of view. Multiple choice tests are not my strength and I’m worried about passing the test.
The one thing that I’m looking forward to this week is the half marathon. I know, how can running 13.1 miles be the only thing I’m looking forward to (well, other than Wes finally returning on Saturday, just in time to watch me run the race). I’ve always felt pretty comfortable running 3 miles, but the thought of running more than that usually leaves me a little uneasy. But lately I’ve been running longer and pushing myself harder and when I finish I feel good about what I did. This morning I ran 5.45 miles. And the biggest part of that accomplishment was that I did it by myself. I usually need someone next to me to push me to keep going and keep up the pace. This morning I went out with a route in mind and instead of turning around when it rained, I kept going. And instead of turning early, I kept going to my original route. And I ended up finishing with a 9’26” pace. So I feel like I’m mostly prepared for the half marathon – physically and mentally.
I suppose believing completely in yourself is a process. It’s good that I’m pushing my body athletically, but I think it’s going to take some time for the confidence to form when it comes to what my brain can accomplish. All in time, though.