You’ll Forget

That’s what the mothers in my life tell me: you’ll forget how awful you feel right now and you’ll want to do it all over again. That’s what I’m counting on. Morning sickness (which is a huge misnomer as it lasts all fucking day) seems to be back as strong as it ever was. The zofran is only mildly helping, in that I maybe don’t throw up every few hours but I still feel near-constant nausea.

A lot of people are telling me that a lot of morning sickness means the baby’s healthy, which I don’t think is true. All it means is that my body has a lot of hormones running through it and as long as I’m still getting sick my body still has a baby to support. I admit to a little comfort in this fact over the past few weeks, when all I had to prove I was pregnant was how sick I was. But now I’m ready for those hormones to level off and to get to the relatively easy part that is supposed to be the second trimester; to have some energy back; to want to eat again.

Baby gifts are making their way to us and we have started talking about re-arrangements that need to be made for the baby. Six months from now we’ll be a family of four (I know, Tsunami’s “just” a dog, but she’ll always be part of the family number) and the thought makes me scared and excited all at the same time. How many things will change when we have a baby to think about. We thought when we got a dog our carefree lifestyle was gone, and it was, in a way; but nothing will compare to bringing a baby home.

So, yes, right now this whole pregnancy thing fucking sucks. But I know that when the baby comes I’ll have very little recollection of the details of these first few months. I’ll remember them being not great but the specifics will be lost. I’ll forget because the baby at the end of this journey will make me forget.

1 Comment

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One response to “You’ll Forget

  1. I read this post and then went to pump…because all I do all day is feed my baby or pump for her. As I was pumping I thought of all the things I had forgotten after I had Sierra or some of the things I wanted to forget but never did.

    I was physically sick with Sierra until week 18 but after that I felt sick all the time. I can remember waking up 30 minutes before I had to get out of bed just so I could sit up and eat some crackers. I would then get sick before I left for work. I would get sick in my classroom before the kids walked in and often I would have to run out of my classroom in the middle of teaching in order to be sick. It was a good thing that I was in a portable that year. I thought I was done being sick when I got on a plane to Croatia…I was wrong. I was sick the entire time we were there and even have a very funny memory of being sick there. I was tired all the time, didn’t want to eat and sometimes when I wanted to eat what I cooked ended up not being what I could eat once I put it on a plate.

    All this time I was giving myself shots everyday at the same time of day. I couldn’t be more than 30 minutes off and I was freaked if I was even a minute off. I was teaching full time and finishing up my Masters Degree. On the days I wasn’t going to class after teaching all day I was in bed. Nine months of this and Sierra arrived. The labor was awful and the weeks after were painful. I suffered from severe postpartum and anxiety attacks. I cried or was angry. I thought I had made a huge mistake and was an awful mother.

    Yet three years later I have another little girl. I wanted another baby even knowing that I was going to have to endure fertility treatments, morning sickness, daily shots, the labor and possible postpartum. All that with a 3 year old running around. I was blessed the 2nd time…a surprise pregnancy without fertility treatments. I was sick to my stomach for months but only got sick a handful of times. My labor was much easier and right now other than being exhausted and having an “attachment” 24/7; I would do it all again.

    Your pregnancy may “suck” and you are miserable it is all worth it in the end. Your body is amazing and everyone is right, you do forget it or at least you think you do. Hang in there…I understand…pick up the phone if you want to talk.

    Love your sis,

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