Last week, before left Wes, I told him that maybe having him gone for a week would be almost a relief. He’s been working crazy long days and some days I wait for six o’clock to roll around and bring him home and when he’s not there I’m irrationally angry. But knowing that he’s not coming home at all, I thought, would be easier. At least then I would know not to expect help or company. At the very least, I was keeping a positive attitude about his week-long trip.
Our first day alone was Sunday and we got through the day without any issues. We went to the farmer’s market and took Tsunami on a walk and had a nap and all was well when we FaceTimed with Wes. After that, though, the evening took a slight turn. Stella decided that solo parenting week was the perfect time to finally realize that she could crawl out of the dog door. For a minute I thought that I might have left her out there when I came in because sometimes she just doesn’t want to come in, but I was grilling and leaving a toddler outside with a hot grill just doesn’t sound like something I would do, pregnant or not. I brought her back in and looked in the living room a few minutes later and there she was, head first out the dog door. Then, at dinner, she succeeded in pushing her high chair all the way back and falling over. She’s been rocking that chair for weeks and every time we tell her, “No,” she takes to chanting “No, no, no,” as she rocks back. Luckily she didn’t hit her head and only cried for a few minutes. But I spent several minutes on the phone with my sister-in-law looking for signs of a concussion. And then, just before bed time, as she was trying to escape pajamas, she ran straight into the edge of the door. After some snuggles and a few stories I put her to bed and hoped for a better Monday.
And it was. We met up with friends at Waimea Valley and had a picnic. The mosquitoes were huge but Stella only got bit once on her arm. On our way to Waimea Valley we had to stop and drop the modem off but even that was done fairly quickly and without any tears. Once at Waimea we walked around looking at all the chickens and birds and flowers. We stopped for ice cream but Stella was much more interested in the babies than sweets and most of the chocolate bar ended up on her shirt and shorts. We stayed there until nearly two o’clock and though I was hoping for a nap the entire way home, she only slept for about 20 minutes and was fully awake when we got inside.
Instead of fighting her on nap time, we took Tsunami out to play and hunted snails. It rained last week and we found a few on our back fence and now it’s become a daily routine to search them out. We had some papaya and changed out of her chocolaty clothes into this dress that I made for her. Up close you can tell that I’m a beginner seamstress, but from this picture it looks pretty good. She went to bed early and easily and I spent the evening reading until it was a reasonable time to go to sleep.
Today we had gymnastics and ran a bunch of errands and everything was going smoothly until bath time. I was letting her run around without a diaper so that I could get a shower in. She was running in and out of the bathroom, giving me a kiss and saying, “Bye bye.” And as she was leaving the bathroom I noticed poop. I was hoping that was just the start of it and said, “Do you need to poop?” She started saying, “Tsunami, Tsunami,” and ran towards her bedroom, where I found Tsunami licking up poop. Helpful, and yet, yuck. The only good news to come out of this is that she pooped on a dress that had been lying on the floor so instead of having to scrub the carpet, I picked up the dress and dropped it in the toilet while I cleaned Stella up and put her in the bath.
So things aren’t going exactly smoothly, but every morning when I wake up I know that I won’t have any relief. And that is a relief. I guess that’s how I need to start looking at every day, whether Wes is here or not.